The 13th Boy A Memoir of Education and Abuse eBook Stephen Fife
Download As PDF : The 13th Boy A Memoir of Education and Abuse eBook Stephen Fife 
When parents send their children to school, they are trusting teachers and administrators with their most precious treasure. Sad to say, that trust is betrayed all too often. What can we say when a well-known, elite and very expensive private schools promise an education that sharpens the mind, strengthens the body, and uplifts the soul--only to afflict some students with regret, pain, and shame that can last a lifetime or even drive a student to suicide?
Stephen Fife has written a compelling, soul-baring narrative of his experience of education and abuse at the prestigious Horace Mann School in New York City. He also provides practical advice to parents who wish to protect their children and to recognize the signs of disturbance when abuse may be taking place.
The 13th Boy A Memoir of Education and Abuse eBook Stephen Fife
I want to say up front that I am not objective about this book. I know Stephen and I attended Horace Mann in the 1970s, where I was closer to the abuse described in the book than I want to admit. However, with that said, I want to give this book a very strong recommendation for anyone who is dealing with an abuse situation either directly or with a loved one.What Fife has done here is show how sexual abuse of young people is a multi-faceted, multi-threaded beast. It's not just the sexual attacks - they alone are traumatic - but in this case, as with so many others, there's a highly complex and soul-destroying manipulation going on. The abuser in this case was a very deep psychopath and sadist. He enjoyed controlling the high school students he taught and recruiting them into what was essentially a private cult. The fact that this man, now 80 years old, lives with 2 former students, now in their 60s, in a home they purchased for him, tells you a lot about this person. Countless other lives were ruined as he sought to serve his unending needs.
The book is also helpful in a conversation that people involved in abuse recovery should having: Namely, the difference between pedophilia and Ephebophilia, the love of teenagers. They are quite different disorders with different victim scenarios and psychological impacts. A man who tries to seduce a 16 year old student is not really a pedophile. That's a convenient short hand but it doesn't begin to describe what's really going on. In fact, the half-matured state of the victim's mind in Ephebophilia might actually make the trauma more severe. There's a lot more room for self-blame and impact on other relationships. Reading this book will help you understand the differences.
And, this book is an amazing portrait of a unique time and place. The author captures the confusion of being immersed in the exploding sexual revolution while the world was still virtually silent on issues involving homosexuality - it was still a huge taboo - one stifled protests of abuse via shame. Victims are still reluctant to speak out, but in 1970, one simply didn't discuss these things. The author explains how he felt mortified at trying to explain what was happening.
This is a courageous book, and a good read. I don't want to say that you'll enjoy reading it. It's not that kind of book. But, it's an engaging read, even humorous at times. I highly recommend.
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The 13th Boy A Memoir of Education and Abuse eBook Stephen Fife Reviews
When the story about the abuses at Horace Mann first broke a couple of years ago, I became interested in it because I sang occasionally with Johannes Somary...one of the abusers who is mentioned by author Stephen Fife. While Somary is mentioned a few times, Fife's focus is on another teacher, Robert Berman.
In reading "The 13th Boy", one can question over and over again how the author could continue to visit this teacher who molested him in mind and body. Fife does a pretty good job in explaining why. What truly stands out is the policy of the school in the 1970s...that is, if charges of molestation were brought up the school would side with the teacher and not the student. So rampant abuse continued until one student, with well-heeled parents connected to Horace Mann, told his parents about Mr. Berman's abuse and Berman was "allowed" to be let go.
The torturous pain that these students had to bear is without question a horrible crime. Some of the "lucky" ones have told their stories...the unlucky ones committed suicide...and there were many of them. On top of that, Robert Berman became wealthy and we assume suffered no real consequences of his own. "The 13th Boy" is a must read....well-told, factually and emotionally.
Stephen Fife's The 13th Boy is a powerful and eloquent memoir which bravely but delicately delves into many sensitive, if not taboo, subjects the vulnerability of adolescents to charismatic adults who exploit their youthful search for distinct identities by constantly telling them that they are "special," "great," or blessed with "genius," the all-too-frequent and mind-boggling enabling of sexual predators by otherwise responsible and decent educators, the ongoing fight for survivors of sexual abuse to maintain a sense of confidence and establish their true identities after their childhood innocence has been savagely ripped from them, and the continuous battle for sex abuse survivors to find a reason to continue to live (and love) in the wake of these vicious assaults on their bodies and souls. Stephen Fife demonstrates with his detailed account of his own harrowing journey that these issues are as timely now as they ever have been, that schools and administrators which deny any real and meaningful justice to victims and cover up their own complicity in the sexual assaults of their students cannot in good faith proceed in educating our children as if their crimes against humanity never happened, and that it is a daily outrage (fueled by cowardly legislators and judges) to permit perpetrators (i.e., child rapists) and cover-up artists (i.e., those who let known child rapists have unfettered access to unsuspecting children) to escape accountability by hiding behind absurd and antiquated statutes of limitation. Stephen Fife reminds us that this issue for all too many is truly a matter of life and death. I am grateful that the author was able to fend off his demons and write this book. It should be required reading for every single legislator and judge in New York State. Parents, too, would do well to read this book.
Mother Jones once famously stated her personal motto "Pray for the dead, but fight like hell for the living." Stephen Fife manages to do both at the same time with this remarkable, brave, and extraordinarily insightful book. I wish him all the best as he continues to heal and helps others to heal. He deserves nothing less.
As to the masses, and especially legislators and judges, get your heads out of the sand (I'm being polite and passing up a more apropos rhyme), and start being part of the solution instead of the problem. There is work to be done. Valuable work that will both help and honor those whose lives were derailed by sexual predators and those who were unable to cope and are no longer with us. Lend your voices to those who can no longer speak for themselves and who are dead before their time only because they had the misfortune of going to a school where a child rapist was given carte blanche to pick his prey at will. Fight like hell to help the innocent and oppressed and punish the evildoers (many of whom, perversely, live comfortable lives thinking that they are beyond the reach of the law). That is not only your job; it is your duty.
But don't just listen to me. Read The 13th Boy! And, for all that is good and holy, do something! It is long, long, long overdue.
Thank you, Stephen Fife. And bless you for your courage in writing this book.
KEVIN THOMAS MULHEARN
I want to say up front that I am not objective about this book. I know Stephen and I attended Horace Mann in the 1970s, where I was closer to the abuse described in the book than I want to admit. However, with that said, I want to give this book a very strong recommendation for anyone who is dealing with an abuse situation either directly or with a loved one.
What Fife has done here is show how sexual abuse of young people is a multi-faceted, multi-threaded beast. It's not just the sexual attacks - they alone are traumatic - but in this case, as with so many others, there's a highly complex and soul-destroying manipulation going on. The abuser in this case was a very deep psychopath and sadist. He enjoyed controlling the high school students he taught and recruiting them into what was essentially a private cult. The fact that this man, now 80 years old, lives with 2 former students, now in their 60s, in a home they purchased for him, tells you a lot about this person. Countless other lives were ruined as he sought to serve his unending needs.
The book is also helpful in a conversation that people involved in abuse recovery should having Namely, the difference between pedophilia and Ephebophilia, the love of teenagers. They are quite different disorders with different victim scenarios and psychological impacts. A man who tries to seduce a 16 year old student is not really a pedophile. That's a convenient short hand but it doesn't begin to describe what's really going on. In fact, the half-matured state of the victim's mind in Ephebophilia might actually make the trauma more severe. There's a lot more room for self-blame and impact on other relationships. Reading this book will help you understand the differences.
And, this book is an amazing portrait of a unique time and place. The author captures the confusion of being immersed in the exploding sexual revolution while the world was still virtually silent on issues involving homosexuality - it was still a huge taboo - one stifled protests of abuse via shame. Victims are still reluctant to speak out, but in 1970, one simply didn't discuss these things. The author explains how he felt mortified at trying to explain what was happening.
This is a courageous book, and a good read. I don't want to say that you'll enjoy reading it. It's not that kind of book. But, it's an engaging read, even humorous at times. I highly recommend.
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